Photo: Unsplash/Timothy Paul Smith

[Satire] 5 Benefits of Smoking That the Fake News Media Lies About

Are you a smoker? Or a non-smoker pondering over how great it would be to start? Surely, you’ve come across all those bogus media stories and ads online, on television or in newspapers telling you not to smoke, right?

You may have even questioned whether to light up that next cigarette after hearing dubious claims such as “smoking kills.” Well, don’t be deterred, don’t panic. It’s all a fake news media conspiracy designed to manipulate you and take away your rights!

The fake news media is going crazy with their conspiracy theories and blind hatred. But I am here to save you; I will tell you about the smoking situation that the fake news media lies about. You can rely on me to tell you the truth about smoking and all of its benefits. Below, I will satiate your soul with 5 reasons why smoking is good for you and society.

Benefit of Smoking #1: Economic Growth and Sustainability

Smokers play a fundamental role in economic growth and sustainability by paying substantial taxes to governments each year. According to the World Health Organization, around $330 billion dollars were generated from tobacco tax revenue. If governments needs more money, they simply raise the tax on cigarettes. In fact, a mere 80 cent increase per pack of cigarettes globally would generate around $150 billion in additional revenue.

The truth is that smokers are generous donors to society, so why does the fake news media try so hard to get people to stop smoking? If people quit smoking, it would result in the loss of billions of dollars that we need for economic growth and sustainability. It almost appears that the fake news media is trying to manipulate our economy while benefiting from anti-smoking ad revenue and viewership due to sensationalized stories.

Benefit of Smoking #2: Creates Jobs and Employment                                             

Smokers are a critical factor in keeping people gainfully employed. According to the International Labour Organization, the tobacco industry employs around 100 million people around the world to grow, process, manufacture, distribute and sell its products.

Indirectly, the tobacco industry creates numerous other jobs such as research scientists that study the effects of smoking, industry analysts, lobbyists and government regulators, and journalists and talk show hosts who cover smoking and tobacco.

Tobacco is one of the biggest industries in the world. Is the fake news media trying to destroy jobs and ruin careers with their anti-smoking agenda? Be part of the solution to our unemployment woes by smoking. Workers everywhere will thank you.

Benefit of Smoking #3: Combating Obesity

According to the World Health Organization, over 300 million people suffer from obesity in the world. It’s a growing epidemic that is linked to cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, musculoskeletal disorders and cancer. Did you know that smoking is linked to lower body weight?

But I bet you haven’t seen any advertisements saying that next McDonald’s hamburger or Coca-Cola soft drink is going to kill you. Does the fake news media have so much of a bias and blind hatred toward tobacco that they conveniently avoid talking about how the health effects of smoking could be better than our food and drinks?

The next time you’re tempted to eat, why not consider putting that food down and lighting up a smoke.  You still might have similar health problems in the end, but at least you’ll be thin!

Benefit of Smoking #4: Early Aging

Are you a millennial that’s fed up with being treated like you’re lazy and entitled? Tired of getting passed up for jobs and promotions because you don’t “look” like you have enough experience? Are you sick of being questioned when you ask for the “senior discount” at your favorite restaurant?

Well, did you know that smoking accelerates the aging process and engenders gray hairs, baldness and wrinkles?

The fake news media portrays these health effects as if they’re a negative result of smoking, when, in reality, they provide numerous advantages in your daily life. Defy your youthful appearance and step out into the world with a newfound confidence that comes from appearing old and wise.

Benefit of Smoking #5: Increased Concentration

Do you or someone you know have trouble focusing? Are you distracted by all the notifications and emails you receive on your smartphone? Do you find yourself logging in and checking Facebook too often?

A recent study found that the average human’s attention span fell from 12 seconds in 2000 to around 8 seconds in 2015. Did you know that smoking and tobacco use has been found to improve your ability to sustain attention?

In a world full of distractions, people need any advantage they can get to remain focused and improve production. Instead of being constantly distracted by fake news media stories, why don’t you smoke a cigarette and then get to work!

I hope you now understand the truth about smoking and the benefits it provides you and society. Don’t be influenced by the irresponsible fake news media with their distorted stories and phony reports. Perhaps we can challenge their licenses to suppress these lies once and for all! Listen only to me and what I say, for that is the only truth.

Born and raised in Bangladesh, I consider writing to be an integral part of my life that helps me perceive human emotions unlike any other thing. You may often find me reading books or watching TEDtalks in my free time. As an ardent believer of human synergy, I dream of a world where everyone of us will possess a sense of greater purpose and solidarity.

Want to start sharing your mind and have your voice heard?

Join our community of awesome contributing writers and start publishing now.

LEARN MORE


ENGAGE IN THE CONVERSATION

[Satire] 5 Benefits of Smoking That the Fake News Media Lies About

Are you a smoker? Or a non-smoker pondering over how great it would be to start? Surely, you’ve come across all those bogus media stories and ads online, on television or in newspapers telling you not to smoke, right?

You may have even questioned whether to light up that next cigarette after hearing dubious claims such as “smoking kills.” Well, don’t be deterred, don’t panic. It’s all a fake news media conspiracy designed to manipulate you and take away your rights!

The fake news media is going crazy with their conspiracy theories and blind hatred. But I am here to save you; I will tell you about the smoking situation that the fake news media lies about. You can rely on me to tell you the truth about smoking and all of its benefits. Below, I will satiate your soul with 5 reasons why smoking is good for you and society.

Benefit of Smoking #1: Economic Growth and Sustainability

Smokers play a fundamental role in economic growth and sustainability by paying substantial taxes to governments each year. According to the World Health Organization, around $330 billion dollars were generated from tobacco tax revenue. If governments needs more money, they simply raise the tax on cigarettes. In fact, a mere 80 cent increase per pack of cigarettes globally would generate around $150 billion in additional revenue.

The truth is that smokers are generous donors to society, so why does the fake news media try so hard to get people to stop smoking? If people quit smoking, it would result in the loss of billions of dollars that we need for economic growth and sustainability. It almost appears that the fake news media is trying to manipulate our economy while benefiting from anti-smoking ad revenue and viewership due to sensationalized stories.

Benefit of Smoking #2: Creates Jobs and Employment                                             

Smokers are a critical factor in keeping people gainfully employed. According to the International Labour Organization, the tobacco industry employs around 100 million people around the world to grow, process, manufacture, distribute and sell its products.

Indirectly, the tobacco industry creates numerous other jobs such as research scientists that study the effects of smoking, industry analysts, lobbyists and government regulators, and journalists and talk show hosts who cover smoking and tobacco.

Tobacco is one of the biggest industries in the world. Is the fake news media trying to destroy jobs and ruin careers with their anti-smoking agenda? Be part of the solution to our unemployment woes by smoking. Workers everywhere will thank you.

Benefit of Smoking #3: Combating Obesity

According to the World Health Organization, over 300 million people suffer from obesity in the world. It’s a growing epidemic that is linked to cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, musculoskeletal disorders and cancer. Did you know that smoking is linked to lower body weight?

But I bet you haven’t seen any advertisements saying that next McDonald’s hamburger or Coca-Cola soft drink is going to kill you. Does the fake news media have so much of a bias and blind hatred toward tobacco that they conveniently avoid talking about how the health effects of smoking could be better than our food and drinks?

The next time you’re tempted to eat, why not consider putting that food down and lighting up a smoke.  You still might have similar health problems in the end, but at least you’ll be thin!

Benefit of Smoking #4: Early Aging

Are you a millennial that’s fed up with being treated like you’re lazy and entitled? Tired of getting passed up for jobs and promotions because you don’t “look” like you have enough experience? Are you sick of being questioned when you ask for the “senior discount” at your favorite restaurant?

Well, did you know that smoking accelerates the aging process and engenders gray hairs, baldness and wrinkles?

The fake news media portrays these health effects as if they’re a negative result of smoking, when, in reality, they provide numerous advantages in your daily life. Defy your youthful appearance and step out into the world with a newfound confidence that comes from appearing old and wise.

Benefit of Smoking #5: Increased Concentration

Do you or someone you know have trouble focusing? Are you distracted by all the notifications and emails you receive on your smartphone? Do you find yourself logging in and checking Facebook too often?

A recent study found that the average human’s attention span fell from 12 seconds in 2000 to around 8 seconds in 2015. Did you know that smoking and tobacco use has been found to improve your ability to sustain attention?

In a world full of distractions, people need any advantage they can get to remain focused and improve production. Instead of being constantly distracted by fake news media stories, why don’t you smoke a cigarette and then get to work!

I hope you now understand the truth about smoking and the benefits it provides you and society. Don’t be influenced by the irresponsible fake news media with their distorted stories and phony reports. Perhaps we can challenge their licenses to suppress these lies once and for all! Listen only to me and what I say, for that is the only truth.

Scroll to top

Follow Us on Facebook - Stay Engaged!

Send this to a friend