Although learning a language can be difficult and frustrating, it is doable. When you finally get to use what you’ve learned, it’s almost as if thousands of light bulbs go off and an angelic choir starts singing around you at the same time. You feel an immense sense of accomplishment and the urge to give yourself a few pats on the back, metaphorically of course.

However, getting to that wonderful, holy moment is tough. Initially, after learning a new language, I was nervous to talk to anybody, whether it was the pizza delivery man, strangers who could help me with directions, the clerk at the grocery store, or anything in between. Thus, I never thought my broken Spanish would help me in the romance department.

Fast forward five years and that’s what ended up happening. I certainly never planned on it, but all those old love adages your grandparents used to say, such as “love finds you when you least expect it” and “there’s someone out there for you,” eventually circle around and pertain to you, and I was no exception.

From the beginning, there were some growing pains in the relationship aside from the normal ones that every couple in the world goes through. Those changes boiled down to cultural differences, a language barrier, and the bureaucracy. But, as another old saying goes, “love always finds a way!” That said, the issues were still real, and they are common for couples in multicultural and multilingual relationships, so it’s important to discuss them.

Cultural Differences

Despite being in Spain for four years, I am still becoming accustomed to the various cultural differences. For instance, I hate eating dinner at 10 p.m., I like to go to bed early, and I am generally on time for everything. For me, grabbing a drink is something you do at 7 or 8 p.m., not 11:30 p.m. Inevitably, here is where we ran into our first significant differences, which happened on our first date:

Me: You want to meet at 7 at Super Cool Bar Place?

My date: 7? Why so early? What are you, my grandmother?

Even though the initial meeting was a bit of a challenge, I was ready to sacrifice my sleep. Then, I, as any average American on a first date, arrived on time, and I waited and waited…

She eventually showed up 10 minutes late. Why? Because this was Spain, and everyone is late for everything all the time. I was freaking out and thinking she got cold feet, felt differently about me, or just plain forgot. However, she finally arrived, and after getting past that initial nervousness, we had to learn to balance out our cultural norms and expectations.

So, instead of meeting for an earlier dinner or (in my eyes) a late dinner, we met somewhere in the middle. Compromises in a few of our cultural norms helped form our relationship, and these early barriers were easy enough to jump through.

The Language Barrier

I feel like anytime I read about what is critical in a relationship, people are always saying, “Communication, communication, communication.” And that makes sense because it’s always beneficial to be open, honest, and trusting with one another. However, to go through this process smoothly requires fluid communication between both parties involved, which isn’t always an option when you’re speaking in a foreign language.

Initially, we spoke in her native tongue, Spanish, because we were in her country. Sometimes, we would dabble in English, but it mainly stayed in Spanish until little errors or misunderstandings started to arise. For instance, we would have entire arguments because I thought she said X word, and I didn’t agree with it. Or, she would say something in English that wasn’t what she meant to say, so I interpreted it differently. Or, I would say something in Spanish that would sound weird to her, and I’d be on the receiving end of a side-eye.

Meeting the parents was also interesting. Usually, I consider myself to be a pretty sarcastic, easy-going person, but I was more nervous around them. What if I try to make a joke that they don’t understand? What if my joke doesn’t make any sense? What if I accidentally say something I shouldn’t? The first few meetings were nerve-wracking, but over time, they have (kind of) learned to accept my weird attempts at humor or at least give me an understanding nod. After all, it’s the little things.

Eventually, like everything else, we found our middle ground. Now, I speak English, and she speaks Spanish. It can draw some strange looks in public, but it’s what has proven to be the best.

The Bureaucracy

Oh boy, my least favorite part of the entire process. The paperwork, the translations, the headaches, the meetings, and the 23,094 different documents I had to sign. This was by far the most challenging part of the entire process because I had to retrieve some documents I didn’t know how to find, such as my birth certificate. Everything that I possessed had to be translated and notarized. Upon bringing all the documentation to Spain, we had to set up an appointment in a town an hour away and register ourselves there to be married. After submitting all the paperwork, our marriage was publicly posted, and people had 21 days to come and deny it. Strange, but true!

This may sound a bit cliché, but going through all the paperwork, meetings, and stress of this bureaucracy made us stronger as a couple. Combining this with all the natural pressure of planning a wedding, and things were pretty hectic in our household most days. However, it made me appreciate her and our relationship more.

At the end of it all, with the whirlwind and everything that has to be sorted, it’s a journey I would repeat a million times over for the same result. I’d rather not go through the mess of getting my birth certificate officially translated again, but you get the idea. We’ve been able to look back on the hard times and come out stronger, even if we do speak two languages to each other in public. Going through so many crazy, hectic processes together was tough, but saying “I do”—or in this situation, “Sí, quiero”—made it all worth it in the end.

The cultural and language aspects don’t represent a barrier. Instead, they’re a hurdle that two people jump over together, hand in hand, even if they do argue in different languages sometimes.