Self-esteem is fundamental to all people. It is the foundation of one’s existence. Acknowledging one’s self-worth is the reason to continue life. Otherwise, people see no worth in themselves and, therefore, no worth in preserving or living. These miserable people fall in desperation and swallow too much doubt until they finally drown in sorrow.

But not all succumb to depression. Instead, some desperately try to obtain self-worth. They make it their goal. Pride and dignity is the treasure they seek to lift themselves from the abyss of depression. But, the path to self-worth is, in fact, one of self-deception. Their search leads to even more misery than before. Why?

Because true self-worth cannot be obtained from others, as Stephen Crane points in his short story titled “Maggie.”

Through the course of his story, Maggie is a poor girl with an abusive and hateful mother. She fears her mom “trembling” at the sight of her. Without a doubt, she never experienced love or a sense of belonging. Crane notes that Maggie grew up in a house consumed with horror and violence, and, as a result, she feels no confidence in herself. In fact, those who feel neglected and abandoned often feel as if their lives have no worth. In Maggie’s case, affection from others was just a dream until she met Pete.

Maggie uses Pete’s love as a way to raise her esteem. As long as he expressed affection, “she did not feel like a bad woman.” A life of abuse made her think she was “bad.” But now, Maggie feels as if she is someone with worth and value, which inflates her pride. But in reality, Pete is the foundation of her self-esteem, and he is the man with the strings. Ultimately, he is in control, not her, so she begins to lose herself. Her desires, her likes, and her personality change if Pete disapproves of them. In other words, she sells herself to him in hopes to obtain a sense of worth and pride. Unfortunately, her pride and worth are artificial because she seeks acceptance from others.

We may not completely identify with Maggie, but we were possibly her at one point or another in our lives. It is part of our psychology to ignite our self-worth and to feel pride and dignity, and the ways we obtain these sentiments are often extrinsic. Extrinsic worth comes from others, while intrinsic worth derives from our own core. In Maggie’s case, Pete is her extrinsic source, but this means surrendering control over to him.

For this reason, it is best to build one’s worth based on oneself and one’s personal talents, not through someone else’s talents or individuality.

Unfortunately, Pete discards Maggie; he uses her and then abandons her. But, Maggie was not the only one searching for self-esteem. Pete had a similar mission as well. He also pursued the need for pride, and he too found an extrinsic source: Maggie. At the end of the day, both Maggie and Pete use each other, but only the strongest comes out alive because the world is dominated by the law of survival of the fittest. In this cruel society, Pete takes advantage of Maggie’s insecurity in order to bolster his ego. His method to gain self-esteem involves exerting power over others, as he had over Maggie.

Throughout his life, Pete reveals his own insecurity. In one instance, he asks Maggie to “give [him] a kiss.” This kiss symbolizes his control and power over her. In other words, she is his property. As a result, he feels superior and gains confidence in himself. But this confidence is, in fact, a form of arrogance—a kind of false self-worth. This means he lives in constant delusion, believing he is the “greatest person.” This thought fuels his happiness. However, Pete is a mere puppet, too. Though he uses others to boost his ego as with Maggie, he is also used in return.

For example, when he learns Nell is a more beautiful woman than Maggie, he begs her to accept him. Nell uses this to her advantage; she controls Pete because she is, in fact, the source of his self-esteem. Thus, he is not the “greatest person.” This is a false image, an illusion he is under, meaning his self-esteem and happiness are in the hands of others. He does not determine his worth or happiness himself.

So what are the consequences? What happens when we use others to boost our self-esteem? The answer is we surrender control of our identity and embrace a life of delusion.

When we seek approval for what we say or do, as Maggie had with Pete, we build our identities to suit others’ expectations, so it is these other people shaping who we are at an individual level. They make us someone we are not, and this way, we may feel self-worth due to their approval, but we are simultaneously thrust into a world of delusion where we have no control of our identities. We, therefore, lose our true character and the chance to feel true value in ourselves.

Pete is no exception. In this case, Nell controls his worth and happiness. He allows her to decide whether or not he is worthy or happy. In other words, when we resign control of our self-esteem to other people, they determine our happiness or valuableness, not us. We then begin to judge ourselves through their eyes. This is not, of course, an accurate image of who we are but a delusion.

Ultimately, both Maggie and Pete are self-deluded because their worth is not genuine. Instead, whatever pride they capture is conceived by others. In the end of the story, Maggie’s last word is “who?” Though it is just one word, Crane implies “who can love me, so to raise my worth?” But the moral of the story is no one can but you.