Imagine graduation day. You have endured four years of sleepless nights, caffeine highs, and Netflix binges. Your family is there smiling, friends are screaming in support, and you feel immense pride for your accomplishment. At that moment, you’re reflecting on your college experience—what iconic moments stand out that helps define who you are now?

College is a time where we experience situations of growth that happen randomly and can have both positive and negative impacts on our character development. I did not know what to expect my freshmen year, I could only go off of what I saw in movies and shows like, “A Different World,” which was highly unrealistic.

Only halfway through my college experience, I have lost and gained friends, developed leadership skills as an RA and through club participation, and interpersonal skills like handling conflict and disappointment. I only experienced these things by stepping outside my comfort zone, which is an integral part of the college experience.

Try New Things, Even If You’re Uncomfortable at First

We have heard the quote, “Growth starts outside your comfort zone,” and it is absolutely true. I remember how I decided to join the Muay Thai club in my freshmen year even though I had no experience in Muay Thai. Although I had taken kickboxing, which I thought was similar, I went in without knowing anyone else in the club, if there were competitions, or what challenges I would face learning this form of martial arts.

When I attended the first meeting, I was surprised to find out the club was almost exclusively comprised of men with advanced martial arts skills, and I felt like a fish out of water. It was incredibly uncomfortable at first, but I wanted to develop my Muay Thai skills so I stayed and practiced with the team.

Eventually, I found everyone on the team to be friendly and willing to help me with training. If I had never stuck it out, I would not have developed new skills and learned to endure the uncomfortable feelings of trying something different and meeting new people along the way. Additionally, by putting myself in this position, I also learned how to improve my interpersonal skills.

Get to Know People (Discover Who You Relate to)

People can make or break us. While it is nice to have a crew and be able to roll out to parties and take trips together, it sometimes can become a crutch that inhibits your ability to meet new people and grow as an individual. My school offered a variety of outings for all new and transfer students to meet and get to know each other.

I decided to participate in one and met this girl whom I thought would be a really good friend. We hung out a few times after the outing, but she was focused more on the social scene and the liberation of adulthood than her schoolwork. I noticed that when we hung out, she was often caught in drama and avoidable situations. I, on the other hand, was more focused on my schoolwork and occasionally went out.

Our short-term friendship was a continuous struggle that ended in a confrontation where I refused to bend or change my values and focus on school rather than partying. We no longer talked and she ended up withdrawing from the University, transferring to a junior college since her grades suffered due to her lifestyle choices.  

Meanwhile, I was volunteering with my school’s University Ministry where I met a new girl, Noelle. As I got to know her, we discovered that we shared similar values and goals: we were both focused on our education, socialized occasionally, had a foundation in faith, and a desire for success.

These are two drastically different experiences, but each experience taught me a lot about myself and friendship. There are a variety of relationships that you will have in college that stem from the different classwork and activities you participate in, such as class projects, study groups, gym, and school clubs.

Some of the people you meet will be acquaintances, and some develop into close friendships and even confidants that will occupy different areas of your life. Don’t try to immediately force a relationship into any specific category. Instead, allow the relationship to grow organically and you will learn how they fit into your life.

There’s beauty in knowledge and mistakes, so do not shy away or feel upset if certain relationships don’t work out the way you anticipated. You learn and grow as a person the more you interact with others.

Listen. Ask Questions. Show Curiosity.

I am an English major with a minor in design. All of my focus is in the graphic and literary arts, but I wanted to explore the possibility of an entrepreneurship and innovation minor so I took microeconomics. I had done my research on the various blogs and forums online and had heard that the microeconomics class was the easiest one available in this field. However, when I took the class, I discovered that it was quite challenging. I didn’t understand the concepts, the what-ifs and the could-bes, that are associated with microeconomics.

When the professor would offer the floor for questions, a few people would ask questions but not many would find the courage to do so. My classmates were nervous, and I was too. I found that being the only person with my hand raised for a question uncomfortable, and I found myself reluctant to speak up.

It eventually became difficult to study and complete homework assignments, so I took a different approach by visiting my professor during office hours. This helped immensely as I was able to get one-on-one help from my professor and receive a more understandable breakdown of the concepts. While this was useful, I still needed additional help.

I decided to form a study group with some of my classmates from the dorm to support each other with studying and homework. The study group not only provided a different way to discuss and learn the coursework, but I developed some relationships with people that helped provide accountability and support.

Don’t Let Your Past Define Your Future

Don’t become attached to labels given to you or that you’ve given yourself. We oftentimes identify with labels, such as “The quiet one” or “The football player” or “The introvert,” from high school or our close friends and family. As a college student, you have the opportunity to break away from those labels and create whoever you want to be. You have the freedom to change at any time you feel the need.

When I started college, I came in under the label of an introvert. Though I am naturally quiet, after putting myself in uncomfortable situations and meeting new people, I found that I was able to develop a number of extrovert qualities. Through these small discoveries, I’ve realized that college was a new place where I could explore and redefine the qualities that labeled me in the past.

I could be anyone I wanted to be, this was the time for self-discovery.

With that in mind, and seeing what I could be, I have always admired people who can be gung-ho about their passion. While I like to take chances, I like to get counsel first. So, when I saw that my school was offering summer trips to Peru with the business college, I immediately applied without asking anyone. It felt good because I was taking a chance and putting myself in the direction of the person I want to be.

Now, I am only halfway through my college experience but if I continue to make these small steps, I will be someone totally different by the end of my college career.